This can feel like the hardest thing you will ever do, and can seem even more scary than the abuse, but it really doesn’t need to be. There are a few simple things you can do, which allow you to get out quickly.

Go Bags

These are a simple bag, primarily with clothes, for yourself and your children. You should also include documents such as Birth Certificates, Passports, any bills in your name, and a paper list of details of people who you may need to contact (in case your phone is taken from you). These bags should be left where you can easily grab them, but not in plain sight of your abuser, ask a friend to keep them, or hide them somewhere safe, where you can easily get to them.

Go bags should be packed light, to allow you to move fast and only contain essentials, a phone charger is a good idea, but these can also be obtained easily at places like Poundland, a small amount of cash or a pre-paid debit card is also a good idea, as this will allow you to buy food and drink if needed, and obtain other items such as toiletries.

Logging Abuse

One of the best things you can do is keep a log of incidents of abuse, this will assist you in gaining a restraining order against your abuser. Photos help with the documentation, giving visual evidence of the abuse (especially physical abuse). It is not always the easiest thing to do, you don’t want to be caught, you need to be able to have access to the logs at the time you leave, so many things that can make this hard to do.

Thankfully there is a free app called Bright Sky, it is available on both Android and Apple.
This app allows you to log the abuse, emailing it to a friend or family member, or even a secret account you set up for the purpose, allowing you access if you don’t have your phone. The app also contains a national database of domestic abuse support agencies, who will be able to assist you in getting out safely, and staying safe. The best feature of this app, is that when opened, it appears to just be a weather app, and nothing you log is saved to the app in its self, meaning even if the hidden journaling section was found, nothing you have logged will be visible.

It is possible to log entries using text, video, audio or photos, and this is all then safely emailed away, ready for you to access them when needed.

Internet Use

This can be tricky to do from home in a domestic abuse situation, especially if your abuser has access to your laptop/PC. In this case we advise using public computers, such as Internet Cafe or Library computers, these will ensure no tracks are left behind that your abuser can see.

If you have your own laptop that you are able to take with you when you go, you need to ensure you remember the charging cable. It is also worth changing the Operating System from Windows or Mac OS (once you are safe), to a more privacy based Operating System, such as Parrot Home OS (this can be downloaded for free). This is not as difficult to do as it may sound, and once installed, Parrot will keep your location hidden from anyone who manages to access any of your online accounts (often showing you in a different country), while allowing you to be able to use the internet, and office programs with the same ease as Windows or Mac OS would. Parrot Home is a Linux Operating System, so is a cousin of Mac OS, but much more secure. It is as easy to use as either Windows or Mac, and will work on most Laptops, PCs and Macs.

It is also advisable to change all your passwords regularly, and try to have different passwords for each online account. This sounds like a bit of a nightmare, but help is at hand even for this. A small program called Keepass is available, which can securely hold all of your passwords. It is password protected, and will suggest passwords for accounts, which are totally random, making it harder for anyone to gain access. The database file containing your passwords can be saved to a USB stick or drive, allowing you to keep them safe, and this can only be accessed with the Keepass program and the correct password.

Should you need it, we have an IT expert on hand, who will be able to offer advice of any computer security related questions or issues.

Where To Go

Avoid staying with friends or family, as this will often be the first place your abuser will come looking for you. Speak with your local Domestic Abuse service (these can be found on the Bright Sky app), they will be able to put you in touch with local refuges, where you will be able to stay in safety. You may not be able to get a local refuge, but this will be to your advantage, as putting distance between yourself and your abuser will make it less likely that you will accidentally cross paths.

Do not worry about children’s schools at this stage, as there will be help on hand at a refuge, or Social Services, to arrange either new schools, or to get your children to their existing school safely.

Refuges are also loaded with information on services available to you, this could be assistance on getting access to emergency grants/loans, specialist legal advice or representation (often via Legal Aid), and access to Social Services support teams. A refuge can also provide a safe environment for you to speak with the police, if needed, to report your abuser, or start working with a lawyer to get an injunction to protect yourself and your children.

Should you arrive at a refuge within an area we support, they will be able to contact us, on your behalf, to request clothing, toiletries, and other essentials. And when it comes time for you to move out into a new home, we can be there to support you in starting your New Life.

Vehicles

If you own a vehicle, please ensure you have any important paperwork with you relating to it, such as the Log Book (ownership document), details of the Insurance, the latest MOT certificate and your Driving Licence. Using a vehicle to escape will allow you to get as far from your abuser as is possible, and as quickly as possible. Having the documentation with you will allow you to prove ownership and roadworthiness of the vehicle, should it be reported as stolen by your abuser, in an attempt to.