13
May, 2021

Safe Spaces

There are a number of Safe Spaces provided in the UK, for those looking to escape domestic abuse. These will provide you with a safe and secure environment, where you will be able to make contact with those who will be able to help you.

How to access a Safe Space

  • Walk into any participating pharmacy in the UK.
  • Ask at the healthcare counter to use their Safe Space.
  • A pharmacist will show you to the Safe Space. Which will be the consultancy room.
  • Once inside, you will find displayed specialist domestic abuse support information for you to access, to make that call or access Bright Sky safely.

Safe Spaces are open and ready for you to use.

To find your nearest Safe Space, go to https://uksaysnomore.org/safespaces/ and enter your postcode

4
May, 2021

Gaslighting

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.

The term “gaslighting” comes from a play and subsequent film called “Gaslight.” In the film, the devious husband, played by Charles Boyer, manipulates and torments his wife, played by Ingrid Bergman, to convince her she’s going mad.

Gaslighting, whether intentional or not, is a form of manipulation. Gaslighting can happen in many types of relationships, including those with bosses, friends, and parents. But one of the most devastating forms of gaslighting is when it occurs in a relationship between a couple.

Signs of gaslighting

According to Robin Stern, PhD, author of the book “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life,” signs that you are a victim of gaslighting include:

  • No longer feeling like the person you used to be
  • being more anxious and less confident than you used to be
  • often wondering if you’re being too sensitive
  • feeling like everything you do is wrong
  • always thinking it’s your fault when things go wrong
  • apologizing often
  • having a sense that something’s wrong, but being unable to identify what it is
  • often questioning whether your response to your partner is appropriate (e.g., wondering if you were too unreasonable or not loving enough)
  • making excuses for your partner’s behaviour
  • avoiding giving information to friends or family members to avoid confrontation about your partner
  • feeling isolated from friends and family
  • finding it increasingly hard to make decisions
  • feeling hopeless and taking little or no pleasure in activities you used to enjoy

Gaslighting examples

People who gaslight become expert at pushing your buttons, and they know your sensitivities and vulnerabilities and use that knowledge against you. They make you doubt yourself, your judgment, your memory, and even your sanity. Examples include:

  • Trivializing how you feel: “Oh yeah, now you’re going to feel really sorry for yourself.”
  • Telling you that people are talking behind your back: “Don’t you know? The whole family talks about you. They think you’re losing it.”
  • Saying things to you that they later deny having said: “I didn’t say I’d take the deposit to the bank. What are you talking about? Thanks a lot for the insufficient funds fee we’re going to get.”
  • Hiding objects from you, and then deny knowing anything about it: “You seriously can’t find your sunglasses again? That’s alarming.”
  • Insisting you were or were not at a certain place, even though it’s not true: “You’re crazy. You never went to that show with me. I should know.”

Gaslighting and narcissism

People who gaslight other people in their lives may have a psychological disorder called narcissistic personality disorder.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they’re extremely important and that the world revolves around them. They’re self-absorbed and don’t have time or interest in others unless it serves a purpose for them. They aren’t empathetic and don’t have the ability, or the interest, to understand what another person is feeling or experiencing.

Narcissists crave attention and praise and can be demanding. They have grandiose views of themselves, their lives, and their futures, and they often use manipulation as a way of achieving their personal goals.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

  • Project an inflated sense of self-importance
  • exaggerate their achievements
  • respond to criticism with anger
  • use others for personal gain
  • expect special consideration or special treatment
  • be highly critical of others
  • become envious and jealous easily

Getting help

Recognizing that you’re a victim in your relationship is the important first step toward getting help. The next step involves consulting a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. They can help you sift through your doubts and fears and understand the realities of what you experienced. You’ll learn how to manage doubts and anxiety and develop coping skills.

(Credit: https://www.healthline.com/)

29
Apr, 2021

Safe Spaces

There are a number of Safe Spaces provided in the UK, for those looking to escape domestic abuse. These will provide you with a safe and secure environment, where you will be able to make contact with those who will be able to help you.

How to access a Safe Space

  • Walk into any participating pharmacy in the UK.
  • Ask at the healthcare counter to use their Safe Space.
  • A pharmacist will show you to the Safe Space. Which will be the consultancy room.
  • Once inside, you will find displayed specialist domestic abuse support information for you to access, to make that call or access Bright Sky safely.

Safe Spaces are open and ready for you to use.

To find your nearest Safe Space, go to https://uksaysnomore.org/safespaces/ and enter your postcode

28
Apr, 2021

The Silent Solution – 999 and 55

How the Silent Solution* system works:

A silent 999 call alone will not automatically bring help.

Please read the information below to understand how this system works:

  1. WHEN YOU CALL 999: All 999 calls are directed to call centres and will be answered by BT operators. The BT operator will ask which service you need: Fire, Police or Ambulance. If you call 999 and don’t speak, the BT operator will be listening out for background noises (coughs, noises, taps on the phone, pressing 55, etc.) and will hang on the line for a certain period of time. If no requests are made and the BT operator believes the call needs to go through to an emergency service, it will always go to the police first. If no service is requested, but anything suspicious is heard throughout the process, the BT operator will connect you to the Silent Solution system.
  2. The Silent Solution is a police system used to filter out large numbers of accidental or hoax 999 calls. It also exists to help people who are unable to speak, but who genuinely need police assistance. You will hear an automated police message, which lasts for 20 seconds and begins with ‘you are through to the police’. It will ask you to press 55 to be put through to police call management. The BT operator will remain on the line and listen. If you press 55, tap or make a noise, they will be notified and transfer the call to the police. If you don’t do any of the above, the call will be terminated after 45 seconds.
  3. If you pressed 55, a police call handler will announce that you are through to the police.
  4. If you can’t speak, you will be asked to tap the phone, make a noise or press 55. The police call handler will try a number of ways so that you do not feel under pressure to carry out just one prescribed action.
  5. Only by pressing 55, tapping the phone, coughing, or making noise are you guaranteed a response to your call from a police call handler despite your silence. It is much easier to speak to the operator. But if you must stay silent, a mechanism has been provided that you can use to acquire help regardless.
  6. Pressing 55 will not bring emergency services to your door and does not allow the police to track your location. By choosing to stay on the line, you are informing the police call handler that you might have an emergency that keeps you from talking, and they will do everything they can to determine your location so they can deploy officers to you.
  7. The police call handler will try and engage with you, if you remain silent they will attempt to engage further and ask you to tap the phone if you are unable to speak; for example, yes and no questions can be asked by the call handler and answered using one keypad press for yes and two for no.
  8. If the police call handler has concerns about your safety, they will continue to try to communicate through sound.
  9. If you are able to speak without putting yourself in danger, the police call handler will ask just yes and no questions if necessary. In some cases, the conversation is led by the caller, who sometimes tries and speaks to the police call handlers in code, if for example the perpetrator has reappeared.
  10. If you can say only one thing, please say your location. If you call from a mobile, we can pin point an estimate location but this does not narrow down enough to provide data we can locate you on.
  11. Police call handlers can request subscriber checks and can carry out background checks to assist in locating you. This can depend on whether you have contacted the police before. Also, if your phone is registered to you, it could determine whether this will provide a potential location for you.
  12. The police call handlers will deal with calls on a case by case basis, as each call is different, and the style of the call is adapted in line with the circumstances.
  13. Silent Solution* = calling 999 without speaking, then pressing 55.#

(Credit: Thames Valley Police)

26
Apr, 2021

Gaslighting

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.

The term “gaslighting” comes from a play and subsequent film called “Gaslight.” In the film, the devious husband, played by Charles Boyer, manipulates and torments his wife, played by Ingrid Bergman, to convince her she’s going mad.

Gaslighting, whether intentional or not, is a form of manipulation. Gaslighting can happen in many types of relationships, including those with bosses, friends, and parents. But one of the most devastating forms of gaslighting is when it occurs in a relationship between a couple.

Signs of gaslighting

According to Robin Stern, PhD, author of the book “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life,” signs that you are a victim of gaslighting include:

  • No longer feeling like the person you used to be
  • being more anxious and less confident than you used to be
  • often wondering if you’re being too sensitive
  • feeling like everything you do is wrong
  • always thinking it’s your fault when things go wrong
  • apologizing often
  • having a sense that something’s wrong, but being unable to identify what it is
  • often questioning whether your response to your partner is appropriate (e.g., wondering if you were too unreasonable or not loving enough)
  • making excuses for your partner’s behaviour
  • avoiding giving information to friends or family members to avoid confrontation about your partner
  • feeling isolated from friends and family
  • finding it increasingly hard to make decisions
  • feeling hopeless and taking little or no pleasure in activities you used to enjoy

Gaslighting examples

People who gaslight become expert at pushing your buttons, and they know your sensitivities and vulnerabilities and use that knowledge against you. They make you doubt yourself, your judgment, your memory, and even your sanity. Examples include:

  • Trivializing how you feel: “Oh yeah, now you’re going to feel really sorry for yourself.”
  • Telling you that people are talking behind your back: “Don’t you know? The whole family talks about you. They think you’re losing it.”
  • Saying things to you that they later deny having said: “I didn’t say I’d take the deposit to the bank. What are you talking about? Thanks a lot for the insufficient funds fee we’re going to get.”
  • Hiding objects from you, and then deny knowing anything about it: “You seriously can’t find your sunglasses again? That’s alarming.”
  • Insisting you were or were not at a certain place, even though it’s not true: “You’re crazy. You never went to that show with me. I should know.”

Gaslighting and narcissism

People who gaslight other people in their lives may have a psychological disorder called narcissistic personality disorder.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they’re extremely important and that the world revolves around them. They’re self-absorbed and don’t have time or interest in others unless it serves a purpose for them. They aren’t empathetic and don’t have the ability, or the interest, to understand what another person is feeling or experiencing.

Narcissists crave attention and praise and can be demanding. They have grandiose views of themselves, their lives, and their futures, and they often use manipulation as a way of achieving their personal goals.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

  • Project an inflated sense of self-importance
  • exaggerate their achievements
  • respond to criticism with anger
  • use others for personal gain
  • expect special consideration or special treatment
  • be highly critical of others
  • become envious and jealous easily

Getting help

Recognizing that you’re a victim in your relationship is the important first step toward getting help. The next step involves consulting a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. They can help you sift through your doubts and fears and understand the realities of what you experienced. You’ll learn how to manage doubts and anxiety and develop coping skills.

(Credit: https://www.healthline.com/)

22
Apr, 2021

The Silent Solution – 999 and 55

How the Silent Solution* system works:

A silent 999 call alone will not automatically bring help.

Please read the information below to understand how this system works:

  1. WHEN YOU CALL 999: All 999 calls are directed to call centres and will be answered by BT operators. The BT operator will ask which service you need: Fire, Police or Ambulance. If you call 999 and don’t speak, the BT operator will be listening out for background noises (coughs, noises, taps on the phone, pressing 55, etc.) and will hang on the line for a certain period of time. If no requests are made and the BT operator believes the call needs to go through to an emergency service, it will always go to the police first. If no service is requested, but anything suspicious is heard throughout the process, the BT operator will connect you to the Silent Solution system.
  2. The Silent Solution is a police system used to filter out large numbers of accidental or hoax 999 calls. It also exists to help people who are unable to speak, but who genuinely need police assistance. You will hear an automated police message, which lasts for 20 seconds and begins with ‘you are through to the police’. It will ask you to press 55 to be put through to police call management. The BT operator will remain on the line and listen. If you press 55, tap or make a noise, they will be notified and transfer the call to the police. If you don’t do any of the above, the call will be terminated after 45 seconds.
  3. If you pressed 55, a police call handler will announce that you are through to the police.
  4. If you can’t speak, you will be asked to tap the phone, make a noise or press 55. The police call handler will try a number of ways so that you do not feel under pressure to carry out just one prescribed action.
  5. Only by pressing 55, tapping the phone, coughing, or making noise are you guaranteed a response to your call from a police call handler despite your silence. It is much easier to speak to the operator. But if you must stay silent, a mechanism has been provided that you can use to acquire help regardless.
  6. Pressing 55 will not bring emergency services to your door and does not allow the police to track your location. By choosing to stay on the line, you are informing the police call handler that you might have an emergency that keeps you from talking, and they will do everything they can to determine your location so they can deploy officers to you.
  7. The police call handler will try and engage with you, if you remain silent they will attempt to engage further and ask you to tap the phone if you are unable to speak; for example, yes and no questions can be asked by the call handler and answered using one keypad press for yes and two for no.
  8. If the police call handler has concerns about your safety, they will continue to try to communicate through sound.
  9. If you are able to speak without putting yourself in danger, the police call handler will ask just yes and no questions if necessary. In some cases, the conversation is led by the caller, who sometimes tries and speaks to the police call handlers in code, if for example the perpetrator has reappeared.
  10. If you can say only one thing, please say your location. If you call from a mobile, we can pin point an estimate location but this does not narrow down enough to provide data we can locate you on.
  11. Police call handlers can request subscriber checks and can carry out background checks to assist in locating you. This can depend on whether you have contacted the police before. Also, if your phone is registered to you, it could determine whether this will provide a potential location for you.
  12. The police call handlers will deal with calls on a case by case basis, as each call is different, and the style of the call is adapted in line with the circumstances.
  13. Silent Solution* = calling 999 without speaking, then pressing 55.#

(Credit: Thames Valley Police)

21
Apr, 2021

What Is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is categorised by any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:

  • physical
  • emotional
  • psychological
  • sexual
  • financial

This definition includes honour-based abuse and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group. 

The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically, just one encounter counts as abuse, and it can be an ongoing pattern of behaviour. However, the one constant element of domestic abuse is the abuser’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the victim.

Domestic abuse can affect anyone regardless of ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality or social background. If you are suffering from physical, sexual, psychological or financial abuse, or are being threatened, intimidated or stalked by a current or previous partner or close family member, it’s likely you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

You may be feeling frightened, isolated, ashamed or confused. If you have children it may be that they too are suffering, whether they witness abuse or not.

Remember, you are not to blame for what is happening. You are not alone, and above all you do not have to suffer in silence – help is available to report domestic abuse.

Controlling behaviour

Controlling behaviour is a range of acts performed by the abuser and designed to make their victim subordinate and/or dependent.  These acts include but are not limited to:

  • isolating the victim from sources of support
  • exploiting the victim’s resources and capacities for personal gain
  • depriving the victim of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape
  • regulating the victim’s everyday behaviour

Coercive behaviour

Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used by the abuser to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.

Physical abuse and sexual abuse

Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.

Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence.

Emotional. Mental or psychological abuse

Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimised or overlooked—even by the person being abused.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviour also fall under emotional abuse.

Honour-based abuse

There’s no honour in threatening or harming vulnerable people with violence. However, a small minority of both women and men experience violence and threats at the hands of their family or community in order to protect their perceived ‘honour’. (Family members are defined as mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents, whether directly related, in-laws or step-family.)

There’s nothing religious or cultural about this violence. It’s a crime and we’ll take seriously any information received from any source relating to this subject.

If you’re in fear of such violence or believe another may be suffering, do not underestimate the seriousness of the situation. Honour-based violence takes lives.

By attending a police station or calling the Community Safety Unit for your borough you’ll be able to speak to an officer who can help.

The warning signs of honour-based abuse are:

  • forms of communication being severed between victim and friends
  • withdrawal from education or workplace
  • criticism of victim for ‘Western’ adoption of clothing or make-up
  • restrictions in leaving the house or chaperoning outside the home
  • onset of depression or suicidal tendencies in an otherwise happy person

Forced marriage

We’re committed to eradicating the practice of forced marriage. This is not to be confused with an arranged marriage, where parties involved have the choice to accept the arrangement or not. Forced marriage is when one party is threatened or bullied into making such a marriage.

A family member might threaten suicide if the young person does not consent and in some cases the ‘bride’ or ‘groom’ take their own life rather than bring this perceived shame on the family by not entering such an agreement.

Forced marriage is an offence. We can offer victims a civil or criminal route to protect them from harm.

(Credit: Metropolitan Police https://met.police.uk)

Safe Spaces

There are a number of Safe Spaces provided in the UK, for those looking to escape domestic abuse. These will provide you with a safe and secure environment, where you will be able to make contact with those who will be able to help you.

How to access a Safe Space

  • Walk into any participating pharmacy in the UK.
  • Ask at the healthcare counter to use their Safe Space.
  • A pharmacist will show you to the Safe Space. Which will be the consultancy room.
  • Once inside, you will find displayed specialist domestic abuse support information for you to access, to make that call or access Bright Sky safely.

Safe Spaces are open and ready for you to use.

To find your nearest Safe Space, go to https://uksaysnomore.org/safespaces/ and enter your postcode